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Awkward ; Confident

It’s the awkward boy’s time to play, and I find nothing wrong with this. I am enjoying every second. But while discussing this little change of trend, my friend told me he hated it. I found this fact a bit humorous since he’s not the most suave guy I’ve ever met.

Here’s the thing, being awkward doesn’t mean you’re not confident, it just means that you’re not the smoothest talker, that you don’t always say the right thing, do the right thing, but that you’re genuine in heart. It means that you might trip sometimes, you might have too much word vomit, and you are humble about yourself.  Confidence seemed to border on arrogance in his analysis (even though to me arrogance comes into a cyclical view of confidence when there is little private confidence and too much public confidence — why do you need to show it off if you know?)

“Awkward” is more sincere to me than any “confident” guy. Doing your thing regardless of the social connotation. Even if Michael Cera’s character in Juno says he “tries really hard” to be as cool as he is, you have an inkling that’s just for show.

This is me.  I don’t want to try hard to be good enough. I don’t want to hide what I like to be deemed acceptable. I want to be able to trip and laugh it off. I want to say too much, say too little, and have that be okay too. I’m plenty awkward. Social settings make me nervous, and I say too much when I’m one-on-one.  I watch Doctor Who, am trying to write code, I have multiple email accounts because I like to categorize things. I can’t recognize 90% of the Top 40 Billboard charts, but can probably name most of Obama’s cabinet. I’m awkward. I like myself. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.

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